Tuesday, January 6, 2009

GENIUS LOVES COMPANY.



I recently sat down with super dope hip-hop producer Uh-Oh, from Akron, Ohio, to talk about his upcoming mixtape, “Recipe for Disaster volume 1.” The conversation drifted a little bit outside of the realm of hip-hop and we touched on some really heavy topics like religion and alien life. PEEP OUT UH-OH'S ILL BEATS @ www.myspace.com/uhohsbeatpage, and take a gander at one of the most incredible conversations ever. The University of Western East Canada has contacted us for a lecture dealing with the issues we address.

Uh-Oh: “Dooley, the scary thing is, God really is only a 12 year old. Think about it.

He created the universe, and made stars to light the universe and give warmth to nearby planets, and essentially made LIFE and all that great stuff.

but like, look at like how much time has passed on all things we know about the universe….

so many billions and billions of years

but for something that is immortal and lives in all things and is basically the illest dude ever who like lives forever, maybe the universe seems still new to him, a new toy given to gods when they come of age or something to dictate.

And he was that asshole who always slept in class and fought after school, so he’s bitter now he has a universe and doesn’t know what to do.

So he creates life and offers a sacrifice to the god of all gods and rips part of his godly being from his soul and puts it in his universe, so all life will have pieces of his soul embedded in them. This is all he gave them because the moment they die there soul returns to the ALL and all the knowledge garnered helping him perfect his craft.

He’s a bad man.”


Dooley: “I always thought that it would be tight if we were like a science experiment, or maybe like part of a big ass game. Like pokemon cards or whatever, but instead we're like universes and it's in like a fucking box and dudes trade their boxes and shit and maybe they'll have like wars where they unleash their bad ass box onto another one.

And all the unexplained shit that has happened on earth is a result of our box getting traded, or maybe even the same owner like 'pffft i'll never be able to beat sharktilli 9 with those stupid dinosaurs, lets try some new shit. ICE MONSTERS ARE ILL, LETS FUCK WITH THEM.

BLAM.
ICE.

Oh look at these little dudes with sticks and shit, they're smart. oh wow, they're ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. I'm going to help them out and make temples and shit to start like industry and civilizations and shit. Peep out this pyramid YO.

BUT THAT'S HACKING.

So he leaves no record of his meddling.

like we don't know how the fuck pyramids and Stonehenge got here but it was USERNAME GHEAAEEA~44 hacking and pwning newbs trying to help us out. Because honestly, how the fuck are we as humans going to create these amazing structures that couldn’t even be made with our technology today and not leave some type of record to as how we did it. Humans inherently want recognition, so an absence of records has got to be on purpose. It was our homie the GOD who cheated.

But now he's all fucking busy in the other corner of his universe in a box preparing his TURAKJASS for battle with SHARKTILLI 9 and that dude fucking forgot about us, that’s why there’s no fucking miracles and shit anymore.

But these motherfuckers play for keeps, and SHARKTILLI 9's bout to scoop us up, see that we're whack as fuck compared to his guys, wipe us out, and THAT’S WHAT 2012 is.

I just hope sharktilli 9 sees the promise in us. We first flew in 1905 and made it to the moon in 1969.

That’s some pretty big fucking LEAPS.”

Uh-Oh: “If aliens were to actually come to earth they’d probably be like 10 billion times better at killing then us because they have the technology to actually traverse space and essentially time to get here from wherever they’re at.

so like us with guns and nukes, against them with whatever they got

would be like 1000 guys with arrows and swords verses 1000 guys with ak's

but in hand to hand combat we probably run shit.”


Dooley: “Nah, PEEP THIS.”

What if these aliens have a way to eat like plants, like photosynthesis YA DIG? Then they would have never developed killing, like us. So they come and they're like 'HMHMHMH WE'RE GONNA MURK YOU BY BLOCKING OUT THE SUN!"

So we respond like "What the fuck? SHADE IS ILL. NUKE, FUCKERS," and we blast these motherfuckers out of the way with the quickness.

But that's only the first wave of ships, and the remaining waves get scared as fuck like "OH MY GOD. THESE GUYS DON'T NEED 'SKADFAEE!!' (thats what they call sunlight)TO SURVIVE LIKE US. AND THEY KILLED EVERYBODY IN ONE SECOND. THEY ARE THE MOST DOMINANT EVIL CREATURES EVER. LEAVE THEM ALONE." and they spread word of our bad ass across the galaxy.

Then the remnants of a race that was destroyed by those intergalactic raiders that we OBAMA'D come to us and give us the secrets to interstellar travel and shit as long as we help them avenge the slaughter of their people with our awesome bombs and nukes and shit.

THEN WE GO ON A RAMPAGE BECAUSE WE APPLY THE THINGS LEARNED BY THE INTERSTELLAR SECRETS TO OUR WEAPONRY, SO EVEN THOUGH THE ORIGINAL GALACTIC RAIDER GUYS KIND OF LEARNED FROM US, THEIR RUDIMENTARY COPIES ARE CRUSHED BY OUR INCREDIBLE NEW SUPER WEAPONS AND LIGHT SPEED TRAVEL.

Then we go mad imperial all over the galaxy and say we're spreading democracy.

UNITED STATES OF SPACE BITCH.”


Uh-Oh: “OH SHIT.

RUNNING SHIT.

If we do ever accomplish a way to travel like that and like map out all the planets and stuff, I wanna go live in Midkemia.

Sure its always plagued my different types of destruction, the tsurani, the serpentmen, the demons, the voidwalkers…

But hey, me and Pug would be homies. I’d share my earth knowledge with him and make him and Tomas beats to ride into battle with. And when they go to fight demons I’ll sample Elton John or like Barbara Streisand and the music will essentially throw off their enemies’ senses allowing Tomas to run rampant through them with his golden Valerhu sword and Pug to blow them to smithereens with the powers of the god of magic.

Yomesain?


Dooley: “I can dig it.

One thing i always thought was fucking weird was that we beam shit out into the universe right? the sound we beam out is a fucking humpback whale.

What if some space men actually speak humpback whale, and the whales are saying "hey fuck you pussies, i eat squid" and we're just beaming out that bullshit.

Lame.

We should beam out my voice saying "I AM THE GALACTIC OVERSEER OF THE PLANET ARKTRON. MY FACE IS MADE OF THE FACES OF THOUSANDS. BEND THE KNEE OR FIND SOLACE IN EXTERMINATION."

Uh-Oh: “That would be dope as fuck.”

THE END. SORT OF.


BTW it’s ARMAGEDDON WEEK on the history channel so watch that shit if you want to get CREEPED OUT.

No comments: