Tuesday, December 23, 2008


somebody better call that hot chick from heroes and tell her that we found her real life counterpart.

this little guy got into a car accident and had his skull removed from his spine. they call that shit 'orthopedic decapitation.' this type of injury has a 99% fatality rate, and the very few who have survived ended up paralyzed. This guy walked out of the hospital like it was no big deal.

somebody better examine this kid's blood and find a cure for aids before he tries to see if he can survive a plane crash.

i mean that's what i would do if i found out i was invincible.



The RIAA recently announced that it's going to stop suing people for downloading music.

Could that have anything to do with WITH THIS? jupiter's ghosts on bootlegging 11-08

A combined effort from me and OBAMA and we can do whatever the fuck we want.

Thursday, December 18, 2008


In Cleveland, Ohio, A Woman recieved the first facial transplant ever in the United States. Well that really made me angry at John Travolta and Nick Cage, you fucking LIARS. Anyways, this chick apparently had a face grotesque enough to make small children scream, cry, run, and hide. And she decided to rid her self of that gift, (i mean, who the fuck likes small children?) and attach another person's face to her face.

The procedure took 22 hours and will allow this woman to no longer frighten people, have facial expressions, and to walk around without standing out. Hey congrats lady, all the results of this procedure are NEGATIVE. not scaring people? LAME. Showing emotion? LAME. going unnoticed? LAME.

Plus, what the fuck is gonna happen if the face they took was from a hideous fucking chick. Before hand, you actually had people scared or possibly sympathetic towards you, now people are just gonna ignore you and treat you like an ugly chick.

If I had a grotesque face I would just become an ultimate bad ass like "The Hound," and cut dudes from shoulder to groin with my broad sword, father bastards throughout the realm, and spread terror with a flaming vengeance, getting even with the world for cursing me with this disgusting countenance.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Minnesota Vikings' Pro-bowl Defensive tackle and direct descendent of Thor, Pat Williams is the baddest dude on the planet, and one would think that title would leave the valiant warrior with little to be angry about.

However, the NFL thought it would be a splendid idea to attempt to suspend Mr. Williams and the other half of his titanic sumo dynamic duo Kevin on utter bullshit charges that should really be called "being too awesome." (obama'd.) Federal judges have ruled that the NFL is stupid and wrong, and let the Williams' boys play, but Pat suffered a shoulder injury in the Vikings 35-14 slaughter of the Arizona Cardinals. I fear that bullshit suspensions and retarded injuries have awoken the beast within and opened the world up to the wrath of a man we should have never messed with.

Earlier today, a terrible accident occured in Dresbach, Minnesota, involving two freight trains and 1,000 gallon propane tank, and "a extremely pissed off monster in purple," according eye witness peter sherman.

While Pat Williams hasn't be officially cited as the cause of this accident, you've got to be half retarded to think otherwise.

may god have mercy on us all.

Thursday, December 4, 2008


Well the grammy nominations have been released, and we're gonna go over the categories and i'm gonna predict the winners.

PSYCH. I don't watch the fucking Grammy's or give a fuck about them. ODB rushing the stage and letting the world know how ILL his suit was is the only good thing to ever come from them. I don't know who the board actually consists of, but lets be real. I'm the only critic who's criticism has ever mattered and I've got my own fucking awards show. It's called the ARGH'S. And when you win, you get a Platinum Axe that you've got to use on a bitch ass dude's head, otherwise you're stripped of your ARGH.

Nobody's ever been stripped of an ARGH though, because everybody who's ever won wouldn't think twice about beheading a bitch ass dude.

Past winners include me, that bear who mauled that one chick, and Jay-Z.



When planning your next spring break vacation, take this into account. Over this weekend in the border city Tijuana, 37 people were murdered. 9 of the victims were decapitated, 4 of them were children, and 3 were police officers who had their badges shoved in their mouths.

These murders are the results of warring drug cartels it seems, and apparently the killings are become more gruesome everyday, as to send a message.

Man, these guys don't even have GRAND THEFT AUTO IV and 2pac to blame, What the FUCK ARE THEY THINKING?

sorry for trying to make light of situation as dark as this. it's grand theft auto iv and 2pac's fault.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008


Cameras from a Shell off-shore drilling site have captured a monster that makes the giant squid in Peter Benchley's "Beast" look like a pussy. A mile and half deep in the gulf of mexico, resides this guy.

National Geographic scientists have grouped it with the Magnapinna family of squids, which is Latin for EAT YOUR FACE. They've never witnessed one with human eyes, and there's a lack of other objects around in the film to give them a a comparison to estimate it's actual size. I'm wagering on at least a million feet long.

Once we get invaded by aliens, we should just present this tape to them, and watch the motherfuckers go home with the quickness, because the Magnapinna is obviously the supreme predator of the galaxy.

I'm working on making my million foot tank right now, don't worry about it.