Wednesday, April 29, 2009


i see all these motherfuckers getting all worried about the swine flu. i'm not really that pissed cuz it lets me wear a HOMER HANKY like a bandana over my face like a cowboy or bank robber. yeah i mean i guess you can worry but it just seems like every year there's some new disease thats mad deadly that's gonna murk us all. I mean it feels like just a few years back there was SARS, and mad cow epidemics and the Bird Flu and some sort of mosquito disease and now the fucking swine flu. You know what, I'm fucking pissed at all of these false alarms. I'm ready for the fucking zombie apocolypse. I haven't been to the doctor in 4 years cuz my immune system got that work and we've been waiting for this shit since the day i've been born.

man if this disease really plagues us the fuck out it'll be the perfect time to start my assault on the nation and world. peep this. so this swine flu reaches epidemic or pandemic or whatever fucking standards and everybody is getting sick and dying. hospitals are overcrowded and eventually just become cesspools of disease where you're garaunteed to catch this shit, and die. people are fucking dying and those who aren't, are seeing death as an inevitable certainty and are doing whatever the fuck they want in the last few months of life. i mean looting isn't even an option, that shit is commonplace as fuck. people are killing eachother to settle the score, people are getting fucked up on drugs that they never would've done had they not seen death so imminent, shit becomes mad violent. The government tries to employ some kind of martial law to keep shit under control but the fucking soldiers are catching the fucking swine too and what do they want to do? patrol the streets and wait to get hit in the face with a rock by Cletus who's fucking pissed that they stole his meth, or are the soldiers gonna want to hang out with their family and try their best to get the most out of life? So yeah the martial law shit doesn't work out so like neighborhood wartribes take control over the cities and shit. Needless to say, I'm gonna be running the midwest in like 72 hours.

theres gonna be ways to detect the virus in people and shit and the healthy ones are gonna try and quarantine off the sick ones but so many people are so fucking LAME their gonna try to sneak their sick ass loved ones in and fuck all that shit up so thats where i come in with my brolic ass white blood cells and my dog (dogs can't catch the shit.) I'm gonna be out here BALLING doing dirt and whipping around in fly ass cars of dead peeps drinking expensive ass booze smoking that grade a pandemic kush with some mad RAY GUNS and whatever the fuck else i looted from tha government doing my dirt on my gritter just being dope as hell and the government is gonna approach me like 'please help us cleanse the URF' and i'll be like 'ayo good usage of the word URF and not EARTH, lets me know you're not a fucking square." So i just roll up in the clean colonies and i'm like "AY. DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TRY SOME SHIT TO SNEAK YOUR SICK HOMIES IN OR I'M GONNA STICK MY FUCKING FOOT UP YOUR NOSTRIL SO FAR YOU WILL DIE YOU FUCKER." But anyways I use the fear of that threat to weed out all the sick dukes living in the clean colonies and then i decide yeah maybe we should get rid of this disease so I go around just straight up murking shit with my STRIKE FORCE TEAM which consists of Me, Mickey Rourke, Anderson Silva, Ray Lewis, and OBAMA and we go out and destroy tha SWINE HIVES that are these huge stockpiles of dead pigs that we originally quarantined but the combination of all that pigness created like some massive atomic bomb pig effect and made shit even worse, and while me and my squad are out doing our dirt and GAT DOWN MURDA SQUADING all over the swine hives we realize that there's this race of super pigs behind everything trying to get back at humans for all the wrong shit we did to them with bacon and ham sandwiches and all that, so i'm fucking heated cuz i hate PETA and i love ham sandwiches so i run up to the leader pig who's like 9 feet tall and made of golden armor and I just steal off of him hard as fuck and knock that bitch unconcious and me and obama are like "YEAH WHAT BITCH WE THE BEST WHERE KHALED AT WE THE BEST" and then we hear this ominous low chuckling and the REAL GIANT EVIL PIG IN CHARGE EMERGES FROM THE SHADOWS AND SPEARS OBAMA THROUGH THE CHEST WITH HIS TUSK AND OBAMA'S LIKE " better kill the shit out of this fucker for me oh man this is whack as fuck TUSK?!!?!?! MAN FUCK!"

I'm like 'oh crap sorry man' and i kind of think about some other sad shit but then i think about sticking my foot up in this giant pigs ass so we square up and have this epic battle where you think i'm gonna lose but i'm just like 'roflz man this dude sucks at fighting but we need drama lololololol i wonder what's on tv tonight' and then i fucking rear naked choke him out and then start eating his face and stabbing his brain and shit and Mickey Rourke is like 'YEAH, BACON BITCH.' and then I give him THE ROCK BOTTOM and he dies and we laugh and I tell Mickey man you should've probably died instead of Obama unless Sin City 2 comes out with the quickness.

and then we go back to the main stronghold with all the survivors with the leader pigs head on a BIG RIG like 'WE GOT HIM!' and everybody cheers but then i give them the mean face and tell them to shut the fuck up and make me a sandwich and thats where "THE BILLY CLUB" from jimmy johns came from HOLLA BACK.


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