AYO. Sorry to get your hopes up. This is not about gigantic man-eating sharks.
So some dudes in Alabama apparently robbed the local volunteer fire department for their ‘jaws of life,’ you know, that thing that rescues people from mangled cars after accidents.
The machine is worth $12,000.00 but I’m not really sure as to how hot jaws of life’s are on the black market, and I’m pretty sure you can’t just go and pawn them off. Maybe this is the first step of an intricate plot that involves a car accident with a high ranking government official, so when the next town over’s jaws of life are being rushed to the scene of the accident by police escort we’ll.. I mean the guys or whatever will be able to rob the shit out of the town bank with no interference.
When I saw this shit about the jaws of life I decided to do some research on it, and found out that it’s like a fucking handheld thing that only weighs 60 pounds. I always figured it was fucking gigantic and awesome and looked like a mechanical dragon or something. Yeah, I had no idea what the fuck a jaws of life was because I have my own way out of mangled cars called jaws of ME.
So I didn’t know what that pussy as shit was because I can rip steal into ribbons with my bare hands. That’s just ignorance on account of being awesome.
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